Ever wondered what actually all those fancy statements in job classifieds mean? Don't speculate any more.
Here is a translation what you can REALLY expect whenever you see one of these in a Classifieds Careers/Jobs section:
"Willing to work long hours" -> translation: Forget about your family, or any personal life at all!
"You are a self-starter"-> translation: We have no idea what we are doing, but we sincerely hope, you will!
"Can work independently"-> translation: Don't expect any support from us!
"Exceptionally positive attitude"-> translation: Boss is an asshole and a dictator who blows off his top thirteen times a day!
"Stamina to work long hours"-> translation: In other words you are expected to be a cross between a jackass, a camel and an ox!
"Provide assurance and consulting services to our clients"-> translation: You are an extremely skillful liar!
"Exceptional organizational skills"-> translation: We hope we finally get someone who can clean up that big mess we have here!
"Winning positive attitude"-> translation: Never get bogged down no matter how stupid the management decisions are!
"Ability to work in fast-paced environment"-> translation: Break? What break?
"You feel like an essential member of a corporate family"-> translation: You are not going to tell our secrets to the tax office, right?
"You are responsible and dependable"-> translation: We expect you to keep your mouth shut no matter what you see, what we do/don't do!
"Willingness to work hard"-> translation: Slavery, the legal way
"Extremely busy environment"-> translation: We are understaffed
"Friendly customer service"-> translation: You are mentally challenged and smiling to it!
"Outstanding customer support service"-> translation: You have an experience working as a lion tamer or at least as a high school teacher!
"Ability to work in a challenging environment"-> translation: You can always B.S. your way out!
"Positive outlook"-> translation: What? You expect us to actually pay you for your work...?!
